Well - you know who you are. It's your best friend's wedding. Your the Best Man or Maid of Honor, and you decide it would be a good idea not to "prepare" anything - but just speak from your heart. Smooth move, JackAss. Follow these rules next time, and everything will end up all right.
1) Only toast in another language if you understand what you are saying.
Nothing will take the sentiment out of a toast then finishing it off in bad Spanish. If you are going to do it, run the words by the kitchen staff and make sure you aren't telling everyone you have crabs.
2) Do not under any circumstances recite song lyrics or movie dialogue in your toast.
This is a blanket rule that extends from "You are the wind beneath my wings" to "Toga! Toga! Toga!"
3) Sit down and shut up.
Nothing is worse than hearing about what Todd did that one night and it was really funny but I guess you had to be there. No one cares - let them drink and continue judging everyone around them. That is what these events are for.
4) If you don't have a drink to raise - don't just raise your hand because you think it looks cute. You look like an ass.
Hey man, if I have to hold my glass of $4 a bottle champagne in the air - then so do you. Otherwise we are just looking at your pit stains.
5) Try to toast before the prayer.
That way, it was Father Gianelli that made their food get cold and not you. You are a jackass for doing it - but only you will know how big a jackass you are for the time being.
Think I missed one? Leave a comment!
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