How not to be a Jackass in an Elevator

Hell should truly be defined as a 5'x5' metal box suspended in mid-air by unseen cables and crammed with people that you have absolutely no desire to have a conversation with. Help me make it a bit more bearable by following a few simple rules.

1. Dude, hold the door.

You see me coming - and although I know you would rather have the big box all to yourself so you can read the maximum occupancy certificate or check your complexion in the mirror, do the world a favor and hold the door for me. Perhaps later on someone will do the same for you.

2. Do you really need to take the elevator one floor?

Nothing is worse than having my 30 floor journey to the lobby interrupted so you can be saved from walking down a total of 10 steps. If you are the kind of person that does this, there is a decent chance that you could use the exercise anyway.

3. There really is no need to talk.

I think a majority of us have got this one down - but for the rest of you - please don't talk. We are just making fools of ourselves.

2. Watch your baggage.

In the hierarchy of fitting into a small space - people are above bags. If the box is getting full, move your luggage.

1. It is insulting to hit the lobby button if I have already hit the lobby button.

C'mon - you can clearly see that the button is glowing - are you under the impression that the button has to be pressed for each person in the elevator? It doesn't.